House of Pain - Redux - by Brother Dan (B.Sc. Kin, CFC, RMT, politically-correct-rapper-extraordinaire)

Clearly, my brother is a unique individual, and is more productive in his downtime than I will ever be. This is awesome, and scary.

"I intend to strike the union of your bilateral thigh musculature to your pelvic girdle in a manner to enable the initiation of a rally in racquet sports, similar to the way in which one of the all-time greatest tennis stars, Jonathan MacEnroe, would have performed. Likewise, if your female companion approaches me in a competitive manner, I will strike said female with the dorsum surface of my hand, as if she were a common street-worker in the sex trade.

Groups of consonant and vowel sounds grouped together to imply meaning are coded and directed towards your matriarchal family member, with the intention to inform her that I have come to disseminate all of my explosive devices.

I have the ability to produce more numerous rhyming couplets and quartets than the 151 canonical and non-canonical chapters of prayers derived from ancient Greek and Hebrew texts, now commonly found in the King James Version of the Good News Bible under the Book of Psalms. But just as in the Parable of the Lost Son described in the Gospel of Luke (Chapter 15 verse 11-32), I too have returned to my land of origin.

Any individual who attempts to walk towards my personal space in a competitive manner will receive thermal injuries to their superficial tissues. This is mainly due to the fact that I can produce words and tune in time and rhythm that is appealing to the ears, and you unfortunately do not possess this skill. When you attempt to enter into the mêlée of conflict, ensure that you have on your persons a double-barreled smoothbore shoulder firearm that is typically used to scatter pellet-like “shots” over short range. However if you choose this course of action, any self-determining individual would consider you somewhat of a professional jester or a dolt; for when I engage in private quarrels to settle conflict, the altercation will cease only when my opponent has settled down for the long dirt nap. If you take an extra step towards my general direction and infiltrate my personal space, the next inspiration of ambient air will be your last, thus leaving your body tissues in a state of hypoxia.

I possess the ability to defeat you in a competitive mano-a-mano confrontation, so draw closer and experience first hand the pain which I will dole out to your physical being in as much quantity as you can personally handle. When I attack, however, expect that my offensive maneuvers are delivered with the intention of depriving you of your life…" - D.C.T.

"I'll serve your ass like John MacEnroe - If your girl steps up, I'm smacking the ho. Word to your moms I came to drop bombs I got more rhymes than the bible's got psalms - And just like the Prodigal Son I've returned Anyone stepping to me you'll get burned - Cause I got lyrics and you ain't got none - So if you come to battle bring a shotgun - But if you do you're a fool, cause I duel to the death -Try and step to me you'll take your last breath I gots the skill, come get your fill - Cause when I shoot ta give, I shoot to kill." -H.O.P.